Austin Illini Club     

 2004

2004 Football results:

Click on the Following links to jump to any one of the Austin-Illini 2004 Football Wrap-ups by Lawrence Page:

Boilermaker Mascot Protest

Loss to Michigan

Blowout Loss Proves It Is Time for Change!!

Homecoming Flop--Lose to Iowa

Illini Avoid Big Ten Cellar by Beating Indiana; First Big Ten Win in Two Years

Almost Over....

Illini Lose Finale; Ron Turner Fired

Illinois Talking With Ron Zook to Become New Football Coach

Lawrence Page contemporaneously wrote and sent the following recaps to the Austin Illini.

Boilermakers Protest Purdue's Mascot  

September 24, 2004

As we prepare for the Big Ten Opener against Purdue, I bring to you news of a protest that aligns us even more with our geographically-closest Big Ten neighbors, from The Onion:

WEST LAFAYETTE, IN—More than 200 members of the International Brotherhood of Boilermakers picketed outside Ross-Ade Stadium Monday, protesting what they characterized as Purdue University's insensitive use of a boilermaker as a mascot. "We have worked too hard forging America's boilers to endure one-dimensional stereotypes like Purdue Pete," union president Newton B. Jones said. "Pete may be muscular and sensibly wearing a hardhat, but the hammer he brandishes serves as an ugly reminder of isolated instances of violence in the boilermakers' otherwise proud history." A similar controversy erupted in 2003, when a University of North Carolina football game was interrupted by 35 protesters afflicted with congenitally tarred heels.     

Loss to Michigan

October 16, 2004

With the draft picks earned from being in the cellar the past two seasons, things could not look brighter for Illinois' football future!!

The Illini receive a much-needed respite from national attention this weekend when they go to Minnesota to play the Gophers, who will probably take their frustrations from the past two weeks out on our poor Illini.  The Gophers were highly regarded early on and picked by many to win the Big Ten, but they have been snake bitten the past two weeks, being knocked from the top of the Big Ten by Michigan two weeks ago in a well-fought game in Ann Arbor, and then being absolutely thumped by Michigan State last weekend.  

Illinois put just enough of an effort together to beat the spread against Michigan last weekend, 30-19.  On the strength of two HUGE interception returns in the second quarter that killed Michigan drives deep into Illini territory and set up easy touchdowns on the other end of the field, the Illini were actually winning at halftime, 17-10.  But Ron Turner's halftime adjustments brought relief to Illini fans who hoped for a win.  Soon into the second half, it became apparent that there was no hope.  The only second half points came from a voluntary safety that Michigan gave up in the final seconds as the quarterback ran around in the endzone to run the clock out.

As most know, Ron Turner was touted as an offensive genius, being the offensive coordinator for the Bears before he came to Champaign.  Combined with Illinois backing into the Big Ten championship during a down-year for the Big Ten a few years ago, that purportedly justified his being one of the highest paid coaches in all of college football.  Eight years into his tenure, his brilliant offensive scheme is now clicking on all cylinders. Without the two touchdowns set up by long interception returns, Illinois' offense scored only 3 points against Michigan. 

And... speaking of 3 points... sophomore Richard McBride won the three-point contest at Illini Basketball Madness (a.k.a. "Midnight Madness during the day") 30 minutes after the Michigan game!!!  We have a new weapon in the house, folks!  We still have a month before the first televised basketball game, but the start of Illinois' 100th year of basketball is getting closer! 

By the way, the Boilermaker Protest article from yesterday was not real.  It was from The Onion (www.theonion.com), a brilliant, farcical paper that started up in Madison and Urbana and has grown in popularity.  (My favorite Onion headline from when I was in Champaign read, "Panhandler Strike Enters Third Week."  Worried college professors were quoted as being concerned that students' only contact with the harsh reality of the "real world" was being threatened by the panhandlers refusal to beg.) 

Blowout Loss to Minnesota Proves It Is Time for Change!!

October 23, 2004

My fellow Illini, in this election year, one week before the national election, it is most definitely time for a change!  A change from mediocrity!  A change from dead-end offensive policies!  A change from attacking without a plan, and then not being able to figure out what you're going to do once you get into the red zone!

And that is why I ask you to vote for ME to replace Ron Turner as Illinois head football coach!!

I have a plan!!  (I'm not going to tell you what it is, but...) I... HAVE... A PLAN!!!  And this plan will save us from mediocrity, will save us from overspending our limited resources on bloated executive salaries that do not enhance the bottom line!  Instead, I will spend our money on what our fellow Texans here in Austin KNOW creates great college football teams: PAYING THE PLAYERS!!!  

The current administration is hampered by paying its incumbent chief executive, alone, over $1,000,000 per year, and it still cannot defeat a legitimate Division I-A team.  On January 8, 2000, Ron Turner attempted to justify his $145,000 pay raise of that year by noting that, "I want to take care of my family. I want to be compensated at what the going rate is. [The money is] not the driving force, but I'm not stupid." 

Well, my friends, I must be stupid.  You might call it unselfish, some might even call it humility, but in Ron Turner's terms, I am just... plain... STUPID!!  I will sacrifice my own well-being--and my family's well-being--and take only HALF of Turner's salary, and I GUARANTEE that I will not produce any worse results!!  

Now, granted, I have absolutely no coaching experience at any level.  I also only played two games of football in 8th grade before I joined the swim team, and then quit the swim team my senior year to be in a Shakespeare play.  

But I captained and managed a co-ed recreational-league softball team in Lincolnwood, Illinois to a Sunday-morning league championship in 1999.  I played full-contact, two-hand touch football in Lincoln Park every Saturday morning for six years from Labor Day to Memorial Day until I moved to Austin.  And I have religiously watched football from the comfort of my climate-controlled living room for thirty-some years and have occasionally impressed friends by interjecting poignant commentary a few seconds before the announcers.  

And, believe-you-me, given what we are getting this season for our university's million-plus bucks per year, those qualifications, alone, make me more than qualified to receive HALF of Ron Turner's salary!!

Heck, I'll even cut the base salary in half, again, to a QUARTER of Turner's salary, and put the rest on commission: say, $75,000 for every win.  That way, the only way I could POSSIBLY be paid Ron Turner's salary would be if the Illini won 10 games.  And if they win more than 10 games, then would you mind it if my kids received a brighter future?  Heck, would you mind if I spent it all on yacht for "Lake" Austin with fur-lined bathtubs!!  Of course not!! 

But if I tank the season like Ron Turner did, I would not even receive HALF of his salary.

And, believe-you-me, if I am elected, and I can get $75,000 per win, you better believe I would split that incentive with my boys!!  To heck with giving out the game ball for a victory, or even the Chevy Blazers the Flying Illini received: I'd give them a CADILLAC ESCALADE!!!  And I'd STILL be ahead!!!  (That's what I call "INCENTIVISING.")

Our football team under the current administration stinks.  Like liver and onions burned in castor oil.  Like the milk you left on the counter after you went to Luxembourg for two weeks.  Like that dead mouse we couldn't find in the walls of one of my college apartments.  

Illinois lost 45-0 to Minnesota last week.  The high-octane, pro-style offense put together after eight years of careful development by offensive guru Ron Turner got blanked.  Zeroed!  Nada'ed!.  Take away the two touchdowns that the defense virtually handed them in the Michigan game and the safety that Michigan conceded so as to run out the clock, and Illinois' "high-powered" offense has been outscored 75-3 by its opponents in the past two weeks.  

75-3.

With a record like this, we might as well re-elect Jimmy Carter... or Lou Tepper.  They were nice guys, too. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I simply CANNOT do half as worse.  Vote for me and I will replace Ron Turner’s “HIGH POWERED offense” that sputters in its complexity with a HIGH-SCORING offense that simply puts points on the board.  Give me HALF of Ron Turner's salary, and I will implement my plan for the future of Illinois football and bring about a better world for the Illini Nation.  

Next week's game is homecoming against Iowa.  Give us some hope.  Pledge your support!  Vote for ME to replace Ron Turner.

Homecoming Flop: Illini Lose to Iowa

October 30, 2004

Illinois covered the spread in scrub time at homecoming by scoring a completely futile touchdown with less than a minute to go so as to lose to Iowa only by 10 instead of by 17.  Unfortunately, the only folks paying attention were those who bet on the game and were paying attention to the point spread, not the win.  Illinois lost 23-13. 

Next week, Illinois plays Indiana in Champaign at noon.  Illinois, Indiana and Penn State are all unconceited (hey, at least it RHYMES with "undefeated") and winless in the Big Ten.  It should be an exciting end of the season to see who finishes last this year.  The big question: can the Illini repeat as Big Ten doormats?  Last year, Illinois pulled out a close, three-point loss at the end to remain winless in the Big Ten and finish last in a close race with Indiana.  This year, with Penn State in the mix, it will be all that much more difficult for the Illini to finish last again.  But I think the boys just might be up to it.

 All this talk of Illini football reminds me somehow that the first basketball game of the season only gets closer with each passing day.  Illinois basketball was ranked 5th in the preseason ESPN/coaches poll, the highest in the Big Ten, with Michigan State coming in at # 10.  Deron Williams was picked the preseason Big Ten player of the year, and Illinois is the consensus favorite to win the Big Ten this year.  With everyone returning from last year and all of our starters being upperclassmen, they look set to do well.

Illini Avoid Cellar by Beating Indiana; First Big Ten Win in Two Years

November 6, 2004

Last week against Indiana, Indiana’s first play from scrimmage was a 75-yard touchdown pass.  Before the first quarter ended, Indiana was up 19-0.  Indiana led for all but about 45 seconds in the entire game.  It didn’t look good.  

But the score only matters when the clock expires, and a last minute touchdown to take the lead for the first time all game sealed the win.  Yes, the Tortoise and the Hare fable came to life again, and Illinois actually rallied to win their first Big Ten game in two years, coming back from 19 points down in the first quarter while the Hare-like Hoosiers slept through the next three quarters. 

There is now talk that Ron Turner’s firing is not inevitable, which astounds me and—to my utmost shock and horror—makes me envious of orange-and-blue Florida fans who saw their coach fired mid-season because he couldn’t win a championship, not because he couldn’t win a game.  How much more pathetic can you get when you actually are reduced to envying Florida fans?  <*Shudder*>  I can’t believe I would ever think, no less admit, that I envy Florida fans.  To boot, with Turner getting more than $1.1 million per year, I’m pretty sure that Illinois pays Ron Turner more than Florida paid Ron Zook.

Nonetheless, I will advise my employers here in Austin that I quite possibly will not NOT be leaving to coach U of I football next year: especially if Illinois beats mighty Northwestern this weekend.

This weekend, it is all over.  Illinois 2004 football comes to a close against the mighty Northwestern football team.  Of course, I embellish given my allegiances.  The term “mighty Northwestern football team” is an oxymoron unless you are this year’s Illinois football team... or Ohio State for that matter (who lost to NU in Evanston earlier this year). 

But the game will be televised on ESPN Plus, and we can all jointly flip off the lone, unruly, grey-moustached Wildcat fan here in Austin who flipped off one of our lady-Illini fans earlier this season when.. get this... when I COMPLIMENTED the gentile-but-enthusiastic beauty of Northwestern’s cheerleaders this year.  Of course, his reaction might have had something to do with my phrasing the compliment as a question pondering when Northwestern started admitting good-looking women.  But, never fear lady-Wildcats, the man with the grey moustache will defend you honor in his own... special... way. 

Almost Over...

November 13, 2004

Although it would have been great if the Northwestern game was this week because Northwestern lost 42-20, Illinois actually had a bye this weekend and plays Northwestern next Saturday, November 20. 

Thankfully, time rolls on and the calendar does not stop in October 2004.  Days continue to tick off, and the end of 2004 Illini football and beginning of 2004-2005 Illini basketball is finally upon us.  Illinois basketball is being picked as one of the top contenders for the NCAA National Title by virtually everyone; just yesterday, the Statesman's college basketball special section featured the Illini as one of eight likely contenders along with Duke, Wake Forest, North Carolina, Georgia Tech, Kansas, Syracuse, and one other.  The up-tempo, energetic backcourt of Dee Brown and Deron Williams are highlighted everywhere. 

In the meantime, we do have one more game of televised Illini football against Northwestern, who is better this year than most years.  This week’s game also falls on the Big Ten Charity drive.  The Austin Big Ten Council is hosting a charity drive at Legends Saturday, where all the Big Ten clubs except Iowa and Ohio State will watch games together.  

The Tex-Illini football problems mount because, as loyal Big Ten fans, we are somewhat obligated in this year's OSU-Michigan game to root for... Michigan.  As the highest ranked Big Ten team, we want Michigan to not drop off so as to boost the Big Ten’s prestige. 

As Austinite Longhorn fans, we should also root for Michigan because a Michigan rout of Ohio State is directly tied to Texas’ chance at receiving an at-large BCS bowl bid.  Here's how it plays out.  There are only two at-large BCS bowls spots; all others go to conference champs of the 6 BCS conferences: Big Ten, Big 12, Big East, SEC, ACC, and Pac 10.  Right now, California, Texas and Utah are all in the top 6 contending for those two at large bids.  Any non-BCS team (namely, Utah) that ends up in the top 6 automatically gets one of those at large bids, leaving only one for the remaining teams.  The Rose bowl will probably lose USC to the National Championship game, and will have first choice for an at-large team.  It will likely pick California to fill the other at-large BCS bid so as to maintain a Pac 10-Big 10 Rose Bowl.  Texas is screwed even though it is ranked higher than Utah.  However, Michigan is #7.  If Michigan leapfrogs Utah, Texas can get the other at large bid.  Even if Utah beats BYU this weekend in its final game, Michigan beating Ohio State impressively might still vault them over Utah, knocking Utah out of the top 6 in the BCS.  The remaining at-large bid would then likely go to Texas

Illini Lose Season Finale; Turner Fired the following Monday

November 29, 2004

It took overtime after a missed last second field goal could have won it, but Illinois lost its final game against Northwestern in Evanston last Saturday. 

Monday morning, the expected became reality and Ron Turner was fired as head football coach.  Turner was after all a good guy who ran a clean program and brought us an outright Big Ten Championship a few years ago.  But he simply could not turn the team around the past two years, winning only once against lowly Indiana, and then only winning to sub-par Division IA or cupcake Division I-AA teams. 

There are no hints at who the replacement will be, but I hope Guenther does the unexpected and actually takes a risk and brings back some pride to the program of Red Grange, Dick Butkus, and Simeon Rice.  Illinois has never suffered from lack of talent, it just has suffered from good, nice but nonetheless uninspiring coaches the past decade. 

Besides Ron Guenther taking me up on my offer to coach for a quarter of Ron Turner’s salary plus incentive bonuses for each game the team wins, the pipe dream would be to recruit Urban Meyer, Utah’s head coach that led Utah to an undefeated record and an almost certain BCS bowl birth (at Texas’ peril, I might add).  Rick Tellander of the Tribune wrote that Illinois should shoot for it, not accept mediocrity and a second-tier coach.  Rumors are also flying about Boston College’s coach, and one of the San Diego Chargers’ coordinators who went to Illinois.  (God forbid we get another NFL coordinator from a losing team!!)  Ron Zook is also available, having been fired from Florida for a "paltry" 8-win season.

Whoever it is, I do hope Guenther will break the trend and simply hire someone who is inspirational.  Mackovic, Tepper, Turner… these are not exciting guys.  They are not guys whom opponents hate; they are the coaches that opponents enjoy. 

Winning the Big Ten title should not be an occasional occurrence that happens every fifth time that Michigan and Ohio State wins the title.  Wisconsin was an also-ran just few short years ago, as was Minnesota.  Now both are in the thick of the Big Ten race deep into October and November, and both are annually kicking Illinois’ butt.  If we’re going to be a part of major conference football, we simply should not do it half-assed.   

In the meantime, Michigan lost to Ohio State, but still won the Big Ten championship because Wisconsin lost to Iowa.  Iowa and Michigan actually ended with the same Big Ten records, but Michigan got the title and the Rose Bowl bid by winning their head-to-head match-up.  I submit that the parity shows how deep the Big Ten is, not how weak it is, but my vote does not count, so until a Big Ten Team goes undefeated (not likely), we will continue to be squeezed out by weaker BCS conferences.

So Illinois football ends again a month before it should end.  And with a new head coach and an entirely re-vamped program, we cannot expect an instant turnaround any time soon.

But now... IT'S BASKETBALL SEASON!

Illini talking with Ron Zook as Potential New Football Coach

December 5, 2004

In football news, rumor from several sources (including Florida papers) has it that former Florida head coach Ron Zook will be announced as Illinois’ new head football coach on Monday.  Although it would have been nice to see Illinois pursue, say, Ty Willingham more aggressively, there are a LOT of teams shopping for new head coaches this year, so it would be good to see Illinois not left with the short end of the stick in terms of major college coaching experience.  Zook is perhaps the third most coveted, available coach out there after Urban Meyer (Utah) and Willingham (fired from Notre Dame last week).  Hopefully Zook can also learn from his mistakes at Florida and bring Illinois football to the National-prominence level that the basketball team has achieved.  Zook also wasn’t terrible at Florida; he just inherited an very difficult situation in succeeding the incredibly popular Steve Spurrier when Spurrier went to the NFL.  Truth be told, Zook will perhaps inherit an even more difficult situation at Illinois because Illinois has lost its recruiting edge because it has been so bad, which was not the case at Florida when Zook took over.  But there is not much else to do than improve from this point.

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